Cruisey

I’ve never wanted to go on a cruise. I’ve backpacked through Europe on my own and developed a distaste for people who travel with tour groups or had set schedules. I thought cruises were for lazy Americans who were too scared to get immersed in a different culture and just wanted to eat buffets on the ship all day.

I was wrong, it’s also for lazy Puerto Ricans.

I kid! I do think that there are some people who go on cruises who fit my stereotype, but it certainly doesn’t apply to everyone.

My cousin chose to get married on a cruise and it was to places I’d always wanted to go–Virgin Islands, St. Maarten–so I made damned sure we were on it. Which included getting Dave his passport mere weeks before our departure.

The cruise set off from San Juan, Puerto Rico on January second. Because of the holiday, it was cheaper to get airplane tickets for 2 days earlier. And, hey, why NOT spend New Years in San Juan?

I don’t want to make this a novel so here are a few highlights from each place we visited.

San Juan Antiguo

• There are NO New Year’s parties in Old San Juan. You would think there would be, what with the scenic buildings, cobblestone streets and all the different plazas. What there are are a bunch of lost Americans asking each other where the New Year’s Party is.
• It’s in Condado, in various beach front hotels. We did not go. In fact we didn’t leave Old San Juan for the 3 days we were there.
• Aguaviva is an overrated restaurant. Marmalade is not (warning: music on that link). It IS expensive but just like Uchi or Uchiko, you’re getting what you pay for.
• Waffle-era is an underrated restaurant. We stumbled upon it on accident and it was one of my favorite meals on the whole vacation. I had a mini Belgian waffle topped with Greek Yogurt and tomatoes and cucumbers, followed by another mini waffle, this time topped with cream cheese and spicy honey. And a glass of fresh made iced green genmaicha tea.

The Adventure of the Seas

• The ship was huge. And the food was better than expected. We only ate breakfast and dinner on the ship, lunch was on the various islands.
• Asking for salsa for my eggs was a fun adventure. After the waiter mistakenly brought me a saucer instead of salsa, we got it cleared up and I learned to ask for the Sambal hot sauce.
• Drinks are expensive. I also only like rum, apparently, when I’m below the tropic of Cancer.

• St. Lucia (pronounced Saint Loo-sha) is a lovely little island with 2 big mountains on the south called the Pitons. We scheduled an excursion at 12:30 that was going to take us to “snorkel beneath the Pitons.”
• But first I needed a book about the Caribbean fishes so I could know what I was looking at. So we walked 10 minutes to the market and I found a bookstore and bought an overpriced tiny book. Also bought some spices, some cinnamon sticks and a magnet of St. Lucia’s flag, which is the best designed flag ever.
• Also ate some yummy food which might be the reason Dave had to run out and get me some Pepto the next morning. (Probiotics weren’t cutting it.)
• The snorkel trip description stated, “If tired, the sands beckon from The Jalousie Plantation.” However, when we arrived at the beach, yes, we were next to the Jalousie Plantation but our guides pointed us toward a bunch of rickety lawn chairs off to the side and told us we weren’t to cross the sidewalk that separated us from the plantation’s restaurant/bar/bathrooms/comfy beach chairs. So if you’re looking at this photo and see a tiny dock, we had to stay to the left of it if your back is to the ocean. All 50 of us.
• 
• Misleading copywriting aside, snorkeling was very nice and might have been very very impressive if we hadn’t been to Hanauma Bay less than 6 months ago. (First world problem.) I did see a baby Moray eel, so that was exciting!
• On the way back, they fed us endless amounts of rum punch so that by the time we got back we had 3 new best friends (Long Island, Toronto and Sarah) and we told everyone it was the best snorkel trip EVAR.

Antigua

• Pronounced An-tee-ga. I know, it goes against my sensibilities, too.
• My cousin got married on Ffreyes Beach and it was disgustingly beautiful. I guess all those photos you see online of the Caribbean aren’t photoshopped after all. Here’s a completely un-color-corrected, no-filter picture of my cousin April swimming after the wedding.

•  After the wedding, we went back to the little port town and had lunch and I ate cockles for the first time.

Philipsburg, St. Maarten

•  We had previously booked an excursion on a catamaran that would take us snorkeling and get us drunk. But it was pouring down rain so we cancelled. Instead I really wanted to see Maho Beach, famous for images like these but due to the storm the beach was little more than a seawall and the road was covered with wet sand and nobody could get across. Most expensive cab ride ever.
• We spent the rest of the day chilling on the beach of Great Bay, a 20-minute walk from the ship.

 Charlotte Amalie, St. Thomas

•  Magan’s Bay is what everyone talks about- that it’s the best beach and is consistently on NatGeo’s Top Ten Beaches, etc. I suspect it’s a scam because it’s the only beach that’s big enough to handle over 500 tourists (at least) a day. If you go to St. Thomas, go to Cokie Beach. My cousin went there and it’s less crowded and at least on that day the water was much clearer.
• Naturally we didn’t leave the island without buying a new watch for both of us. Shopping is HUGE in St. Thomas.

And that’s the cruise. I thought we’d have time for more of the cruise activities, like shuffleboard or yoga or working out or bingo. But we only had one day of sailing and you know I spent that day at the (adult, saltwater) pool.