So there’s this job opportunity. My instincts were not to apply for it, because I love where I’m at so much. But my instincts were also not to apply for my job at my current location because I felt like I had work to do at my old job. There were issues that needed fixing and I felt like I shouldn’t leave until I’d fixed them. Guess not.
I’ve thrown my name in the hat for this opportunity and it’s in Austin. I’ve never been one of those people that thought Houston sucks and I needneedneed to get to Austin. I mean, I LOVE Austin and I will shop at funky SoCo shops and eat Kerbey Lane’s queso and chill at Zilker ANY OLD TIME. And since headquarters of my company is there I’ve definitely hoped to end up there, but I’ve never searched the “help wanted” ads in Austin just so I could live there.
And the job? It’s great! It gives me more time/room to be creative. It puts me in the spotlight more. It seems like a lot more work on paper since the location is so much bigger, but because the work is split between 3.5 people (one part-time, not one half-person), it seems like it might actually be easier. Not that the work will be easier but the juggling act, which is most of my job, doesn’t seem to be there. And, uh, it’s in Austin!! I’d be 35 minutes from Pedernales! And a billion other awesome state parks! And 3 hours closer to Marfa! With Dave working in the biking world, it probably wouldn’t be hard for him to find work there. Plus, he said he’d mow lawns if we’d just move to Austin already.
I should be stoked! But I feel kind of like I’m floating in the lazy river. I’m moving along, but that’s about it. I’ll be up against very strong competition. So strong, in fact, I’m not sure I’ll get an interview! But I’m doing all my homework anyway. I’ve talked to people about the job, I’m driving up there tomorrow to meet with a possible future coworker and discuss.
But I don’t feel the ownership yet. I felt it when when I came to work for this company. I felt it when I began to apply for my current location. But this? This will be good experience. This will give me a chance to get super creative with the interview process so I wow them. This will be interesting as I’m a little terrified and intimidated. But this doesn’t feel like it’s in the bag, like my interviews before it.
So here’s what I go through: I feel like it’s a hassle and I’m tired and tomorrow is the 4th of July and I want to sleep in and go to a barbecue and watch fireworks, not spend the day in the car. I occasionally get mad at myself for not having the strength to say, “I don’t even want this! I’m just going for it because I’m supposed to!”
And then I’ll respond, “Who’s to say I don’t want it? Just because I’m happy where I’m at, I shouldn’t move forward in my career? Maybe I’m too comfortable.”
“Maybe it’s not comfort, it’s the universe telling you to stay right there.”
“Maybe it’s the universe giving me this opportunity! You know that phrase about being on the right path when the doors open? Let’s see if I’m on the right path! And then if I don’t get it, at least I tried and I’ve gotten my name out there.”
And the other side of me has no argument for that. So I proceed. Until a few hours later when I wish I had the ovaries to back out and admit I don’t want it. Repeat.
I meditated for the first time in weeks today. I feel better. I’ll sit again tomorrow morning before I go. Hopefully it will help straighten my brain out. Furthermore, as my uncle pointed out to my cousin, you don’t have a decision to make until you’ve got an offer on the table. So there’s that.
At any rate, at least ONE of us is making use of the meditation cushion.
UPDATE: Case in point!
