These are conversations I had with my nephew (I have a nephew!) last weekend.

“Mom! More chicken!”

“Eric! You punk, you didn’t say please to your mom.”

“Please!” (pause) “Did you call me a punk?”

“Yes.”

“Why don’t you call HIM a punk?” Points to his dad, Dave’s brother.

“Well, he’s a punk too but he made me this drink, so I can’t really call him one.”

“He’s a mas o menos punk?”

……

Eric had a huge rubber spider that he was trying to scare everyone with. I asked him what the spider’s name is.

“Oh, he’s not real.”

Right.

…..

“Why is Tio David in his chones?”

“Because Tio David is drunk.”