I got my car back on Monday.  I had the Dodge Caliber for a week- it was nice.  I don’t love its design, but I liked that it had a regular outlet on the console.  How handy is that?  Dave got to charge his iPhone in the car without a car adapter.  I could take trips and if I had cramps, I could plug in my heating pad!

I also liked the whole 4-door hatchback thing.  I used to think hell was a place full of 4-door automatic vehicles.  I still don’t like driving an automatic, though I apparently got used to it, judging by how many times in the last 2 days I’ve attempted to take off from a stop in 4th gear.  But 4 doors are totally handy.  When I was single, the front passenger seat was all I needed.  Purse, groceries, library books- everything went there.  Then I got this husband thing and now we’re folding back seats and unloading the trunk.

Anyway, even though I got my car back, I did not have a radio.  The insurance lady had not called me back even though I’d faxed her my stereo info.  And called her and left a voicemail almost every day since.

I’m still in amazement of how many times my brain sends the signal “turn the radio on” while I’m driving.  It’s straight wiring in my subconscious.  Because I KNOW my radio isn’t there.  But I’ll pull up to the light and in the quiet my brain says, “Turn the radio on.”  Between 5 and 10 times per car trip.  I don’t reach to turn it on, because that’s conscious.  This is me noticing my more subtle brain patterns.

It reminds me of meditation retreats when I can’t move for an hour and I can feel a hair brush across my cheek.  My brain thinks, “Brush it away.”  But I don’t.  I just notice the sensation and its impermanence.  So my brain whines, “Brush it awaaaaaaay.”  I still don’t, I just observe.  You know, what I’m supposed to do regarding everything in my everyday life.

I could use my lack of radio as a tool to observe my sensations and strengthen my equanimity.  Perhaps I did a little.  That said, I’m super glad the insurance people sent the radio-installing guy to my work today.