–fyi, this is from yesterday morning, but my internet was down–
Hi kids.
Probably most of you aren’t into astrology, and sometimes even I have to roll my eyes at it, but for a while now several planets, six to be exact, have been in Scorpio, the sign of death and rebirth, endings and beginnings, bringing the hidden to the surface. And Mercury was retrograde in Scorpio, so I definitely started to feel old issues coming up.
Overall, it wasn’t a conscious effort . . . it was mostly through dreams. Dreams about exes, specifically reconciling with them. I discussed with a friend that it may not be face value, but be symbolic of reconciling with aspects of myself that they represent. For example, my ex fiancée was all about stability: marriage, a house in the suburbs and 2.5 kids. Patterns made him comfortable. I was 21, I didn’t want to be tied down. I wanted to travel! Marriage, house? Those had roots. 1-year apartment contracts scared me. Hello!! What if I wanted to move to Argentina??
Anyway, now that I have a job, potentially a career I like, I feel more settled. Don’t get me wrong, I still want to travel!! Every time I read about Macchu Picchu or temples in Cambodia, I’m thinking about what would fit in my suitcase. And I totally have the international itch. In the last 4 years, my travels have been from Key West to Anchorage, but internationally I’ve only been visiting Mexico and Canada, both of which I love. But I’m itching. There are so many places . . .
Back to my point. Now I’d feel comfortable with roots. There’s no way I can afford a house right now (gotta pay for my financial irresponsibility) but I’d love a house. I want to pick out paint for walls. I want a garden. Lime trees and basil and flowers that attract butterflies. So if the ex fiancée represents stability, maybe my inner Jen is saying, Hey, it’s okay to have roots. You won’t lose your wings.
You’ll be like a MacBook Pro. You can be portable, but not without recharging your battery. (Did your eyes roll?)
Anyway, after yet ANOTHER dream about my ex this morning, I looked for him the only way I knew how: MySpace. Found him. He’s married, which is a relief. I always felt guilty about that breakup (go figure . . . not just dumping the man you’ve been with for 4 years and were conceiveably going to marry, but doing it 2 days before Christmas because now that you know don’t want to marry him, if you continue to pretend this is a relationship, you just might burst into flames). I never regretted it, but I felt like I’d hurt him as much as one can hurt a person. He asked me to discontinue contact with him, which was probably for the best. And I always wondered if he understood why we broke up and if he also thought it was for the best. So seeing that he is married and happy is a relief I’m sure I’ll be feeling more and more as the 6 years of guilt begin to dissolve.
And now I’m late for work . . .
